Nothing Stays The Same

Did you ever have one of those days that seemed like the one before, you know, that de'ja' vu kind of feeling.  I have those every once in awhile especially with the change of the seasons.  Days when memories flood my mind like dreams in the night.  Actually, I don't mind those days every now and again because the memories that come to me are times I've enjoyed with people I love. When I moved to the farm twenty-seven years ago my Dad was happy for me as I started this new adventure in my life.  He was glad I'd found someone to share my life with and he liked Brent's lifestyle on the farm as well as his as his quiet kind spirit.  He said anyone who would change his life to marry a woman with two kids must be a saint.  Well, I wouldn't go that far, but he's been able to endure the changes of having an instant family. Flexible is the word that comes to mind when I think of Brent.  I don't know that I could have married someone with kids like he did, but he chose to change and do it. And for that I'm grateful.  My Dad enjoyed coming out to the farm and helping anyway he could.  Everything from paneling a wall to building a hayloft & manger to putting a roof on the spring house to protect our water supply.  He especially liked driving the truck during hay season and doing whatever he could to give us a good start in our new marriage. Even today, after all of these years, twenty-two long years, tears fall on my cheeks as I write this missing his smile, his voice and his beautiful face. After a short 5 years of living on the farm, my Dad died suddenly at 69 years old. Nothing stays the same.  This day turns into another day, months and years go by and the seasons change.  So must I. When I moved out here my boys were 2 and 9. They may not agree, but I think this country life was a great place for them to grow-up. We all learned together to raise animals and be free to run around and do all the things kids used to do outside such as playing in sand and water, camping and building lots of bonfires.  We went to church sometimes on Sundays, we had family dinners, we fixed broken things and planted a garden and raised pigs for 4-H.  We worked hard and my kids learned to do many chores, which I don't think they really enjoyed that much. But it taught them many skills I know they've used as adults. Raising a family and teaching school kept me so busy I really didn't have time to be depressed after losing my Dad. Life had to go on for all of us. I think that's why I think of him so much today, in the quiet times as I watch the seasons change.  I know he's in Heaven and I know he'd be happy and proud of the life I've made with Brent on the farm.

I know I'll see him again. I feel him with me always and my heart is full.  We don't know how long we have on this earth.  Today may be the last day.  I choose to smile at the changes in the seasons and the changes in my life.  I know that's what my Dad would want me to do. ~Toni~ :)